will is unstable
by jammydodgersinthetardis
Summary: will gets to finally dance with the girl of his dreams but everything goes downhill from there. is it all a hallucination?


Agent Graham sat quietly on his psychiatrist's sexy-time couch, drumming his fingers on the armrest. My psychiatrist's late for my own appointment. He's probably out killing some people for his fancy dinner party tonight. Hahaha just kidding, he's no cannibal, Will thought to himself.

Stretching his legs, he was just getting ready to leave when the door burst open. Standing in the doorway was none other than Dr. Alana Bloom. Whoa daaaaayum, Will thought. Lookit dat ass. Do you want the d, Alana? Please want the d.

"Hey, Graham Crackers, is Doctah Hannibooboo in?"

Whew, keep it cool Graham, you can do this. "NAw, Dr. Lecter's out right now but that means we've got the whole place to ourselves. Just you and da Love Doctor."

Dr. Bloom started crying and threw up all over Hannibabe's new carpet. Will, completely heartbroken, pulled off one of his wool socks and dried her eyes. Having nowhere to dispose of his sock which was now soaked with Alana tears, Will shoved the sock down his throat, swallowing it without even choking.

Dr. Bloom retched once more before replying, "Fuk dat shit, you cray cray, Grahamies."

This time, Will thought he was going to start sobbing. Good thing I wore both socks today, he thought. Somehow, this thought did not make him feel any better though.

Before he could cry, Alana reached into her purse and pulled out an empty beer bottle which she then proceeded to smash over Will's head, making little fragments of brown glass rain down into the man's eyes.

"Dafuq was that for, Alana?!" Will exclaimed.

"It's the only way I can get you to stop crying," she replied as she pulled the potentially deadly glass shards out of Will's eyeballs. "Hannibal told me it might work and I guess it did. Now don't start cryin' again, ain't nobody got time for that. I didn't mean to make you cry, I want to tell you that I will have the d-"

"But you just said-"

"Shut yo whore mouth, Grahamies. Don't you go interrupting me again. I was going to tell you that I will have the dance. We gon dance now!" Alana ripped off her black pencil skirt and red blouse to reveal the leather Catwoman suit she was wearing underneath. In one great leap, she was instantly at Hannibal's stereo. She pounded one of the buttons and suddenly, "Don't Go Breaking My Heart" started playing.

Graham shrieked with happiness. "Oh hot damn, this is my jam!" Will would never admit this to anyone but sometimes he would have dreams where he was a prince. In the dreams, he and Catwoman got married and then danced and sang to this very song. Hearing this song just made him so happy that he couldn't help but dance along to it with Alana. For a brief moment, he considered the more than likely truth to this situation which was that this whole event was simply a hallucination. Nah, Alana doesn't even really look like Catwoman. Plus, I don't even see any weird feathered stags anywhere around here, the agent assured himself.

Alana and Will were having a grand old time dancing around like idiots with Lecter nowhere to be found when suddenly, they heard a scream from out in the waiting room. Abigail Hobbs ran into the room. That cutiepatootie was wearing a red silk hood with a long matching cape. In one hand, she carried a basket filled with organs.

Alana punched the stereo and the music stopped right away. "Whoa girl, whoa. What seems to be the problem? And what's with the basket o' guts?"

Abigail started to wail. "I was on my way to bring tonight's dinner to Papa Hanni but on the way, a big, bad wolf chased me!"

Will started to jump up and down and then ran around in circles a few times. "Whoa OMG. Wolf! Dog! Puppy! I like dogs! Where's the dog? Can I adopt it?"

A horrible screech could be heard right outside the door and caused Will to freeze mid-happy-dance. Abigail fell to the floor and began to cry even harder than before. "Oh no! It's found me! You have to go hide!"

Graham looked severely disappointed. "Abigail, get ur shit together. That doesn't even sound like a dog!"

Alana pulled Will behind the sexy-time couch (winkity wink ;D) to hide just as Medusa Hulk-smashed through the wall and snatched Abigail up by her feet.

Just when all hope was lost, Hanniboobs kicked down the door to his office and let loose a mighty battle cry that kinda sounded like a dying deer. Swinging around a very sharp sword like a crazy person, he chopped off Medusa's head and kicked it across the room. Abigail fell to the ground with a loud thud.

Hannibal strode over to the couch where Will and Alana were still hiding, He leaned in close to Will's ear and whispered "Ur just hallucinating, none of this actually happened. Ur crazy." Without another word to Will, he picked up the phone on his desk, dialled and waited until someone on the other end picked up. "Yo Starfleet, this is Hannibal Lecter. I just saved Abigail, you can pick her up now."

No later than 10 seconds later, Jack Crawford punched through one of Hannibal's windows. He was wearing 7 inch heeled boots that went halfway up his thigh and a very short, yellow, female Starfleet uniform that hugged him tighter than his mama.

"You broke my window. That was really R-O-O-D! Whoa bby," said Hannibal. "You got some fine legs, Crawford."

Jack stared the doctor down for a long time before screaming "NO HANNIBAL DaTS GAY IMMA MARRIED MAN." He ran over to Abigail, threw her over his shoulder and said "Beam me up, Beverly!" With that, Jack Crawford disappeared into a blue light.

Rita Skeeter from the Daily Prophet and Freddie Lounds from violently skipped into Hannibal's office to get some juicey gossip about Medusa and Will Graham but they hadn't has the chance to ask a single question before Lecter grabbed them both under one arm and swung on his curtains out the broken window like Tarzan.

The chaos had finally died down so Alana and Will finally crawled out from behind the couch.

Will figured that he maybe still had a chance with Alana. "Hey how ya doin' lil mama lemme whisper in ya ear."

Alana slapped Will hard across the face. "No, ur unstable."


End file.
